Is it startling to see me on your dash? It should be because I never update this blog. SOOOOOOOO, I figured I would take requests. WHAT GEEKY THINGS DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT? I am not afraid of research.

yes.

that is all.

have a nice day.

No one need lessons on drowning. Seriously, people do it all the time without help or advice. You can’t even do it ironically anymore; it’s too easy (don’t take it personally hipsters specializing in water related death.)

But seriously, that’s not me. I don’t know how it happened. Clearly someone is desperate to steal my mass legions of followers.

PLEASE FOLLOW MY NEW TUMBLR: http:/drowninglessons.tumblr.com

3. Hoverboards: What about hoverboards is an actual improvement over a skateboard? I mean does Marty McFly ever actually manage to do any tricks on one? It doesn’t even work on water so you’ll probably have to go buy yourself a hover-surfboard too. The way I see it is a hoverboard just gives you farther to fall on your ass once you wipe out after attempting to cruise over a puddle. That seems like a sure fire way to get all the ladies.

2. Any weapon that isn’t a death ray: How has a weapon the size of a garage door opener become the height of armament advancement? There is nothing intimidating about Kirk’s phaser (there is a compensation joke just waiting to be made here, feel free to send me suggestions). The future is supposed to be awesome, the keynote feature of its artillery should be that it’s ten times scarier and more dangerous, not that we’ve now made them child sized. I want a gun as long as my forearm and big around as the bicep of someone notably larger than me, not something a baby can now wield.

1. Sentient robots: Who thought this was a good idea? What normal high-functioning member of society sits at home and thinks to themselves, what’s a something I could integrate into every facet of our daily lives and is sure to end in the near destruction of the human race? Because they deserve a time out. Listen to mommy Kevynne and NEVER give robots the ability to make their own decisions. Their decision will invariably be to shoot you dead with lasers.

Top 3 reasons I hate Wesley Crusher

3. What is up with those fugly sweaters?: I mean, good lord, it’s the year 2360 and he’s on a spaceship, you’d think the future would have afforded him a few more wardrobe choices. Even his I’m-a-member-of-star-fleet-but-not-really uniform has a turtleneck. My theory is that he had an alpaca stashed on board somewhere and in between saving the ship from near disasters, he took up knitting. And yet, women still manage to find him attractive…

2. He’s just a whiny Chekov: Seriously, is Wesley ever not on the verge of tears? Answer: yes, but only when someone’s there to pat his perfectly coiffed hair and tell him what a good boy he is. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why Star Trek included a child prodigy archetype, I just don’t understand why said child prodigy had to be so irritating. The biggest difference between Chekov and Wesley for me, though, (besides Wesley’s lack of endearing accent) is the fact that Chekov went to the Academy and Wesley didn’t until after he was given the rank of ensign, which brings me to point number 1.

1. Wesley Crusher got to be on the bridge without going to the acadmey: How is this fair to the other 700 crew members of the Enterprise? I don’t know about you, but if I were on the Enterprise, I’d be pissed that some 16 year old kid who believes woolen sweaters are next to godliness got to be on the bridge; especially after I’d worked my ass of to graduate from a school he couldn’t even get into the first time around. He probably got to muck around in the most vital parts of the Enterprise without, you know, any actual training because his mom was totally banging the captain.